Heart of Canada

Upstarts and usurpers beware: Don't do this at work

Just so it's perfectly clear and the record is set straight, I founded the oral history project . The project started in 2000, not in 2002, and the first public announcement about the project was made in May 2001, although some public awareness of it already existed earlier than that. Two research data collections were completed on the oral history project before the lifestories project was ever even embarked upon. The first data collection was a study of Ukrainian perspectives on parenting, and the second was a videotaped collection of interviews with Ukrainian leaders in the province.

Also, I proposed the lifestories project to the college in 2001, before any other researchers later involved in the project were ever employed there. In 2002, other associated researcher(s) asked me to participate in the oral history project because, allegedly, of a high level of interest in my work on oral history. I let other(s )participate in the project by co-facilitating on the project I had previously proposed. So, no matter how far around the globe other researchers go, no matter how many newsletters are published, no matter how many merit increments anyone makes off of my original data and work, I always will be the founder of the original oral history project.

I suppose I should be publishing this notice and correction in an academic journal, not just on a blog.

New Meme

She has posted on the new blog meme going around. It's an interesting one. You find the 23rd post in your blog archive, then find the fifth sentence in that post, and then post the sentence to your blog. The 23rd post in my blog archive is a "news notes" post, and here's the fifth sentence:

This information speaks very strongly to the idea that the power of individual people to make a difference is strongly hampered by their fear, especially of reprisal that will affect their livelihoods.

HA! How themes continue on from past to present. Kind of reminds me of a few people, come to think of it, whom I haven't thought of in a while.

*shudder*

And, yes, while we're on this theme of fear-and-livelihoods, the lawsuit is still not QUITE settled. Should I bring back the mediation hope-o-meter-turned-yay-o-meter? Okay, but we'll have to rename it the...

likelihood-of-a-FULL-OUT-TRIAL-o-meter

What's my opinion about the likelihood, you ask, of the settlement failing altogether at this point (because of silly wording issues linked to legalistic overzealousness IMHO) and us ending up back in court, where we'll have to hash through all the nitty-gritty details of the case, probably for ages unto ages (and also do that other procedure with labour relations)?

Will I go through with it?

You bet your a** I will.

Remember these words, from him:

Stand up for justice. Sometimes it gets hard, but it is always difficult to get out of Egypt, for the Red Sea always stands before you with discouraging dimensions. And even after you've crossed the Red Sea, you have to move through a wilderness with prodigious hilltops of evil and gigantic mountains of opposition. But I say to you this afternoon: Keep moving. Let nothing slow you up. Move on with dignity and honor and respectability. (Martin Luther King, Jr., A Call to Concience)

Rana Rants

I was once told by a former colleague, back in the dark ages after my academic job went unexpectedly down the tubes, that I seemed angry. Actually, it sounded more like he was accusing me of being angry. He seemed to question whether anger was an appropriate response and thought I was just looking to blame other people for my incredibly, ridiculously painful loss. Yes, they had treated me shabbily, he pointed out, but being so upset -- wasn't that a sign of poor judgment? Suing them?

During the conversation, a small thought ran through my mind about whether he was angry that I had refused to come back after being let go and cover his class so he could do whatever stimulating and fun academic thing he had lined up for himself that term. He likely would say I was projecting anger onto him because of my own anger or whatever. After all, he was still employed, which meant he had no need to project or act out in any petty way, hey? Um-hmm.

This morning, I was reading Frogs and Ravens, where I pop in once in a while. Rana was recently dumped from her job without notice. Then, realizing they made a big mistake, they asked her to come back to "help out" because they, well, they screwed themselves when they let her go. I'm going to quote a small bit of Rana's thought on this, but if you want to read one of the best angry rants I've ever read, that is, by the way, entirely justified, go read the rest of her post (warning to the overly sensitive: she used the F word *gasp*):

You know that expression of polite agreement she wears on her face when you say how much you appreciate her coming out to "help out," when you tell her that she is "just awesome" and "amazing" and so on? She is making that face to avoid either screaming at you or laughing hysterically. Your credibility as people who care about her is pretty much shot at this point, so stop trying to fake it....

Oh, and while you're at it, it's really cowardly to not tell any of the other staff or faculty what happened, and to use her temporary return as an excuse to pretend like she is "leaving soon" as if it were some sort of voluntary decision on her part instead of being honest and telling them that she'd already "left" and that it was entirely involuntary and unexpected by her. Furthermore, it is either an act of incredible stupidity or astonishingly bad taste or amazing cruelty to tempt her out of her temporary office with an offer of free food, without bothering to tell her that the food was for a party to celebrate the departure of another employee for a better-paying job.

Through your insensitivity, you've just guaranteed that there is no way in hell she's ever coming back after she gets her paycheck, it being poor and insufficient compensation for putting up with these truckloads of crap.

Rana, gawd, really, what they did completely sucks, and you have every right to vent. The part about the party reminded me of something I had forgotten about my own experience at the tail end of my academic life. Before I found out I actually was losing my job, I got an invitation to a going away party. A fellow colleague asked me who was leaving, but I said I wasn't sure. Later, I realized it was me. Needless to say, I didn't attend their party.

Your bit about people not really knowing what happened to you is very similar to my experience too. My former employer kept things pretty tightly under wraps. You wouldn't believe how many people, after seeing me in public, said something like, "Oh, I had heard you left the province." Many knew nothing about what actually had happened. Some silently thought (or hoped) I had caused my own doom.

Suing an organization or feeling angry and betrayed after being quite unexpectedly let go is not abnormal behavior, even as much as some who remain in power would like to believe. On the other hand, for those in power who commit acts of betrayal or stand by and watch them happen without intervening, blaming the victim is a tried-and-true method of assuaging their own conscious or unconscious feelings of guilt. Rant on, Rana. I, myself, probably haven't ranted enough.

Mediation Hope-o-meter, Now The Yay-o-meter!

To quell the urge of the surging masses, I will give you the hope-o-meter, reflecting my personal state of hope for settlement.

Two weeks ago:

Last week:

Today:

There you have it, thus far, from my personal, hope-o-metric perspective. Within two days, that dial will move either very far to the right or even farther left. We'll see.

Update:

Update: We settled!

Settle with your opponent quickly while on the way to court with him.
Matthew 5:25

Mediation

Today is the day for mediation with my former employer.

Mediation Date

Good news! I received word that we have a date for mediation of my lawsuit: April 20, 2005, 9:30 am. For those of you who expressed a desire to pray for us on that date and time, please accept my profound gratitude for your goodwill.

Mediation is a difficult process, but I am hopeful because of what Deb Mantel sings in her witness to love. [.wma file]

For Charity

Holy Spirit, Love's own Fire,
fill our hearts with
love of God and neighbor.
Without that twofold love,
we cannot be pleasing to you;
without it no other gift avails.
Give us a love which is patient, kind,
never jealous, boastful or conceited;
a love which does not seek its own,
is not easily provoked, thinks no evil,
does not rejoice at injury done to another,
but delights in the truth.
Give us a love which bears all things,
believes all things, hopes all things,
endures all things.
Give us faith and hope;
but above all and in all, give us love.

- from Devotions to the Holy Spirit, Brian Moore, SJ (1988).

Finally, Some Good News

First of all, I want to thank all the people who have been checking back here frequently or e-mailing me with words of encouragement and advice regarding my lawsuit. I very much appreciate the support and interest so many of you have demonstrated regarding my case.

Engaging in these kinds of proceedings with a large organization is extremely difficult, and sometimes it does feel a little like David and Goliath. Actually, it feels more like Jonah inside the whale for me because, since leaving academia, I have been quite isolated in my day-to-day life and rather lonely. I miss my students, my work, and my friends.

Anyway, today I have some good news to report. It's not earth-shatteringly good news, but it is good news nonetheless. I was informed today that the defendant's motion to dismiss my lawsuit has been indefinitely adjourned. Instead, they have agreed to our suggestion for mediation.

I know what some of you are thinking: why go to mediation now instead of fighting the motion to dismiss, winning, and then going to mandatory mediation just prior to the actual trial? I have three good answers for this.

First of all, it's in everybody's best interests to settle and make friends again. Well, at least it's in everybody's best interests to settle. I would like to make friends again, but I'm aware that might never happen. I would like this process to be concluded so that all parties may move on; however, I also am aware that lawsuits can drag on for years and am prepared for that. After a while, it becomes a little like a hobby that you do now and then when time to file something or respond to something arises. However, really, we all should just deal with the situation and put it to bed already.

Second, fighting a motion to dismiss is expensive. As I said in a previous post, each motion that I have to fight costs me, personally, about $5000. If we win the motion -- and we are confident that we would win -- then we would be required to go to mediation anyway prior to having a trial. Expediency and parsimony dictate that, if we can mediate, we should try to do so now. So, we proposed the mediation, and both sides have agreed to meet. I feel very happy about this.

Third, I maintain a very strong belief that people should be able to talk problems out and reconcile with each other whenever possible. It is very important to me to maintain strong, positive relationships with people whom I care about and whom I respect. On the other hand, when those people fail you, it hurts -- very badly. However, as our Father forgives, so must we. At least, I believe, as Catholics, we are obligated to try. How can we expect mercy and forgiveness from our Heavenly Father if we cannot show it ourselves?

Therefore, we will try to work this out on our own. Although we had tried to negotiate a little a while back, both sides were very far apart from each other in terms of expectations. I believe that resulted from our not having the opportunity to speak with each other openly. If we cannot resolve this matter in mediation, we will be back in court post-haste, and I will see the process through to the last dime, act of testimony, and published manuscript about my experiences.

For those of you reading this who have faith in a power higher than yourselves, I humbly and respectfully request that you please pray for an amicable and successful mediation, as well as healing of all relationships as a result. Once again, thank you so very much for your support.

Live-Blogging My Lawsuit With Academia

Welcome to Lawsuit Week at Heart of Canada, where it's all lawsuit  all week long!

Okay, I'll slip in a few posts about other things too, but, seriously, now, this is the week that my lawyer and I appear in court to argue that my lawsuit should not be dismissed. The defendants are trying to argue that it should be under the jurisdiction of labour relations, but we think otherwise and believe we have some good case law on our side. So, it's phone consultations, meetings, affidavits, legal briefs, preparations, and more.

Decisions, decisions. Should I buy a new suit for court? Oh. Right. I don't have money for that. Should I wear pumps or flats? I have one pair of each, but they're both black, and both have holes in them. I think I have an old pair of blue pumps somewhere, but it's one of those off-blues that I don't have a suit to match. Then I have those support-pumps I inherited from my grandmother, but, um, no.

Will the defendants have new suits and shoes for court? Tailor-made or off-the-rack? We'll see. Who else but me will blog the fashion trends in my court case? Will the defendants pick blue suits for "trustworthy" or black for "tough"?  Will any priests attending the proceedings wear business suits, as they usually do at work, or will they show up in clerical collars? That would be quite a statement considering priests in their Order don't usually wear their clerical outfits during secular work. St. Basil the Great says this about clothing:

What best goes along with a feeling of lowliness and humility is a sad and downcast eye, a neglected outward appearance, uncombed hair, shabby clothing. In fact, what people in mourning customarily do we will do spontaneously as to our appearance. ... The only purpose of our clothing is to provide adequate covering for the body winter and summer. ... The tunic should be thick enough that the one who has it on will have no need of anything else to warm him up. Shoes should be cheap but quite adequate to their purpose. [Link]

Time shall tell.

I think the defendants have lots of money, $6000 - $9000 per month kinds of salaries. Of course, they're not paying for this personally, like me, are they? That's because they're an institution (with, last I saw, a $350,000 contingency fund), and I'm an individual person who has been affected by what individual people working for that institution chose to do.

So, today involves preparations and phone discussions. I'll keep you posted. Interesting developments might be occurring even as we speak.

Which reminds me, has anyone in the history of blogging ever blogged a trial before? I mean, if we can live-blog the Oscars, surely we can cover a trial, should it occur. I doubt if "live-blogging" from the courtroom would be allowed, although, who knows? Did you hear of this lawsuit about whether bloggers are entitled to journalistic privilege?

If the court, in Santa Clara County, rules that bloggers are journalists, the privilege of keeping news sources confidential will be applied to a large new group of people, perhaps to the point that it may be hard for courts in the future to countenance its extension to anyone.

"It's very serious stuff," said Brad Friedman, who describes himself as an investigative blogger (his site is bradblog.com). "Are they bloggers because they only publish online? I think you have to look at what folks are doing. And if they're reporting, then they're reporters."

By the way, these guys are blogging their lawsuit too:

We'd like to thank the blogosphere for supporting us in our time of need. 

But the biggest thank you goes to President Dan Sullivan for suing us. By filing a federal lawsuit against Take Back Our Campus, we've become international news and our criticisms of the administration are now heard by a wider audience than ever. From us at TBOC to Dan-- thanks for making us famous. [Link]

Good luck, TBOC! Keep us posted on developments.

Finally, on a more personal note and in order that all aspects of these proceedings begin well, I would like to offer this humble yet profound prayer of St. Basil the Great for God's presence, mercy, and grace throughout this process:

O God and Lord of the powers, and maker of all creation, who, because of your clemency and incomparable mercy, did send your only-begotten Son and our Lord Jesus Christ for the salvation of mankind, and with his venerable Cross did tear asunder the record of our sins, and thereby did conquer the rulers and powers of darkness;

Receive from us sinful people, O merciful master, these prayers of gratitude and supplication, and deliver us from every destructive and gloomy transgression, and from all visible and invisible enemies who seek to injure us.

Nail down our flesh with fear of you, and let not our hearts be inclined to words or thoughts of evil, but pierce our souls with your love, that ever contemplating you, being enlightened by you, and discerning you, the unapproachable and everlasting light, we may unceasingly render confession and gratitude to you: The eternal Father, with your only-begotten Son, and with your all-holy, gracious, and life-giving Spirit, now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen.

St. Thomas More, St. Basil, St. George, and St. Theresa pray for us, through the great and glorious intercession of our Lady the Mother of God and her son our Lord Jesus Christ, great teacher, giver of light, and saviour and deliverer of our souls. May God have mercy on us all.

Suing Academia

Look! That's me up there, giving academia a wake-up call!

Actually, I'll be honest. That's not me. I don't know whose picture this is -- it's been circulating around the net, and one of my regular readers sent it to me. I thought the pic was pretty funny and then realized that it could be an excellent representation of what it's like for a female academic to sue a Catholic college.

Regular readers will know that I have a lawsuit pending against my former employer. I also filed a duty of fair representation claim against the union at the college. The lawsuit refers to precontractual representations, and the labour relations claim involves rather serious matters that happened to me while at the college.

Anyway, because I have two separate processes going on, the college apparently has seen fit to attempt to have the lawsuit dismissed. So, on March 10, we'll be going to court to discuss whether my lawsuit can continue. I'll keep you posted. At least I'm not the only person to have gone through this kind of proceeding.

It turns out that the hearing will probably cost about $5000. That's probably equivalent to my daughter's tuition for next year. Ironically, if I were still employed at the college, I'd be able to apply to a unique scholarship fund set aside especially for faculty members' children and spouses. How nice for them.

UPDATE: In the spirit of Jasper's comment below, I add my own quotation: Listen.

The Impact of Losing A Good Teacher

Becky has an interesting post on her site about her experience losing a good teacher when she was younger. Here's an excerpt that caught my eye:

I was only 18 when all of this happened. Ms. Hearn was an amazing teacher -- in fact, she's one of the reasons why I want to teach. After all this crap went down, I was -- how you say? -- disillusioned (to say the least). I was on the verge of graduating, and one of my most influential teachers was ousted 3 years before her 30-year retirement -- all because of some policy that the school board wanted to enforce (while conveniently forgetting to follow their own procedures).

Administrations do their deeds for a lot of reasons, but when those deeds involve the word "ousted," you can be sure someone got hurt.

I won't use the word "ousted" for what happened to me -- at least not until the whole thing has gone before the courts and the labour relations process, as well -- and my situation certainly didn't involve the question of anything illegal, on my part, as was alleged in the case of Becky's teacher. However, Becky's post reminded me of something very important that I learned when I "left" my recent academic position:

When good teachers suddenly leave, students miss them and are affected by the loss.

When many of my students heard I was leaving, their reactions were so touching and so sad. Really, at the time, I could barely respond to them because responding, on my part, inevitably would have brought about a huge flood of tears, for my career, for opportunities lost, for the gigantic well of regret I felt at no longer being able to work with these amazing and wonderful people with whom I conversed on a daily basis. In a word, I was choked. What good would it have done for me to weep all over them? They felt bad enough already, and I could see that.

I remember the day that one of my very brightest students came to my office and, excitedly, asked me to supervise her honours thesis.  I had to tell her that, not only would I not be able to work with her, but also that I was leaving. All the angels in heaven saw the look on her face that day, and they'll never forget it. Neither will I.

Some of my students wrote a letter/petition and handed it in, but it was, largely, ignored by anyone who probably should have cared about them and about me. Some students asked me what they could do, feeling upset and helpless about my leaving. Some approached higher-ups or wrote letters. Their caring and open support of me was so amazing and so warm. I remain grateful for their words and actions, even today. In fact, of all the things that might seem to be great about our educational system, the real greatness remains the students.

The most important task of any administrator is to be a responsible steward of the institution, which includes being a responsible steward for students and their needs. Maybe you think great teachers come along everyday and are a dime a dozen. They don't, and they aren't. Of all the things I might be, good or bad, I will say, without hesitation, that I was a good teacher, not because I say so but because my students said so. They learned from me, and I, in turn, learned from them on a daily basis. I miss that. Also, my mother was a great teacher and administrator, and I take no small pride in honouring that lineage in my own teaching practice.

All this points to why, when we talk, especially in academia, about positions and hirings, we must remember that, fundamentally, we're talking about people. I remember reminding a rather prominent man-of-the-cloth that I am a person, not a position, shortly before I left my last job. I see him around sometimes -- a lot, actually -- but he rarely speaks to me now, I suppose, that I no longer am in a position requiring him do that. Sadly, I'll never be in academia again.

Reflecting on Becky's post, I'll just say that, when we hurt teachers, we hurt their students, too, and that's a crying shame...one that I've had all too much experience with myself. Becky got hers, though, saying what she said to that administrator, whilst shaking his hand, no less. You see, the great thing about students is that they're educated, and they learn to see right through, in Becky's words, "monkey-court" administrations, who are a disgrace to their own alma mater.

After All, What Are Friends For?

Huh.

I came across a former colleague of mine who knew about the lawsuit I'd filed. This person-whom-I-previously-considered- to-be-a-friend insisted on telling me

1. that I should drop my lawsuit

2. that I'm nothing more than a file in some insurance company's cabinet

3. that nobody really cares about what happens to me, and I should just give up

4. that the lawsuit's not hurting anybody but me

5. that none of the people who did anything will be affected at all by the lawsuit, and they don't even think about it or me

What a pal, hey? Don't you just love that special and unique kind of intimidation interpersonal support? And check out the assumption: that my lawsuit is all about hurting "them" and not about addressing (and righting) what happened to me.

Golly. Imagine. Me. Filing a lawsuit for some genuinely important reason. I'm such an insufferable gadfly. Really.

The Pang

I had The Pang yesterday. It was, in a word, disturbing because I couldn't really do anything about it; yet, it was unmistakeably present.

The Pang is that feeling I'd get around about this time every summer just before going back to teaching. The feeling is a mix of awareness that the summer is coming to a close and excitement about the upcoming fall. New faces, new classes -- I'd start checking over my syllabi to make sure everything was in order and start calling to see if my books had arrived at the bookstore. I'd make sure my office was straightened up and stack the first week's lesson plans neatly on my desk, ready. 

I'd simultaneously love and dread the pang. After all, the pang meant that fall wasn't too far away, but it also meant a return to that place I loved so very much -- the university. I was sorry to get the pang this year because I'm not returning to teaching.  This year, the rush of excitement was hollow, like a bloom that dies before fully opening.

I don't love the university anymore. What was once a place of discovery and promise now seems like the wreckage of Max Yasgur's farm once everyone went home after Woodstock. When I see young people going off to campus for the first time, I note their excitement, tinged with some apprehension, which they would be wise to heed. Unlike years past, I now see something very different in post-secondary education than I ever did before.  I'd tell you what that difference is but, now that my current book has been launched into production, I've decided to write a new one on just that topic.

Still, it's the idea of learning that continues to excite me. I'm not happy, it seems, unless some puzzle or enigma is buzzing around my brain. I miss sharing that love for learning with my students the most. Just to torture myself, I suppose, I watched To Sir With Love tonight and couldn't help but marvel at how Thackeray accomplished that crucial goal of student engagement. He captured their minds and imaginations, helping them to live with respect for themselves and each other. I believe that is what I miss the most about teaching: the feeling of mutual respect present while learning together in a classroom.  My mother was a teacher, and she was the person to instill in me the belief that mutual respect was the foundation for learning together.

I'm wondering if I'll have to live with The Pang all my life. Perhaps after studying and teaching in the university system for so long, you never become free of that eager anticipation, that September to September cycle. For now, The Pang grips me with its meaty fist much like a colleague of mine once did while shouting something into my face.  The Pang throws my emotions into a chaotic turmoil, like that time someone ripped all the drawers out of my orderly desk, dumping, heaving, trashing everything into a horrible, tangled pile on the floor, carnage with a powerful message: you're not wanted here.

The university is not what it seems, and it is even less of what you imagine in dreams. Go there and learn, then graduate and leave. Never forget to leave. You'll likely be much happier in the long run.

Small Blessings

I was shopping at Staples this morning...a very tempting place to shop, with all those cool pens and nifty stationery items.  Anyway, as I started going through the till, the cashier looked up and then said to me, "Don't you teach Child Development at the university?"  I smiled and said, "Well, I used to."  Then she started going on about how it was her favourite class and how much she loved it.  God, that felt good.